You can’t make this shit up…

Snow Plowing just got FUN.

So, after 7 years of plowing (and hating it 95.79% of the time) I discover the missing link: blueberry beer!  Thank you Chip’s Store for always having a handy dandy, cold supply.
All those years I bitched about the DickHead who plowed at my former home… WHILE he was drinking beer. Turns out he was right all along.
2 blueberry beers into it and it took me 3 attempts to back a wide farm tractor into a narrow garage (usually I get it right the first time). But hey, I did not swear once while plowing even while trying to:
  • hold my beer,
  • shift,
  • steer, and
  • work the plow hydraulic lever.

Well, that is until I finished plowing, moved my car out of the tractor’s side of the garage (with the 2×4 propped overhead door), and got back on my tractor to put it away… yup, the damned snow plow goes by and plugs the end of my driveway again.

Hey, one F bomb is a whole lot less than normal.
Beer is now part of the process…
BTW Mom: please tell Dad I need a bottle holder installed on my tractor.
Don’t worry Mom… you did not fail as a parent.
beer in snow
BACKSTORY:
This day has been a friggin’ snowy fiasco.
  1. Garage door broken.
  2. Can’t get tractor out to plow.
  3. Have to fight with said door for an hour and then prop it open with a 2 x 4.
  4. Tractor runs out of gas because this piss poor X Girl Scout isn’t prepared with gas. AND… she knew a winter storm was coming.
  5. Finally I am coming home with the gas to finish plowing.
Funny enough, I have picked up a six pack of blueberry beer too.
On we go…
So the story gets better. Eli, my 15 year old, is giving me shit because I have beer:
“what did you buy beer for mom?”
I say: “if I have to plow the driveway on a No. Co., redneck, old farm tractor I’m going to do it like a proper, happy, No. Co. redneck.”
So then I spill my beer on top of the clothes washer. Eli quickly grabs a towel to wipe it up. I flip out and yell at him to stop. Which, I have to give him credit: quick thinking & action but…
I run to the kitchen, pull apart a tincture bottle, and use the dropper to suck the beer up off the top of the washer. To which Eli says, “nothing says crazy, drunk bitch like this! “
How have I NOT ruined my awesome kids?
Did I mention my 15 year old never made it to school, which had been delayed 2 hours, but the above snow, garage door, plowing, gas, and beer fiasco trumped school for the day.   Shhh, don’t tell his Dad…
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Dancing with Menopause’s Magic

dancing wise woman

It has been a bit of time since I posted here! Take a seat dear female friends… I have much to tell you and good Menopausal Magic to share with your feminine spirits.

My Natural Health Education / Functional Medicine Consultation practice is a busy space for me to be in!  And… I have been up to other stuff as well: new book released co-authored with a dearly loved, local healer friend, Jenny Morrill.

And…Keep reading for a peak into the new Vaginal Love herbal product I am releasing, soon, with another local healer and dear soul sister: Acupuncturist Shelby Connelly of Five Elements Living Retreat Center in Colton, NY.

final book cover front

Our New Book To Inspire Your Self Healing

I am here today to share a bit of Menopausal Magical Wisdom. I confess, I do not have many symptoms of menopause. Once in a while a skipped period… but that is to be expected at 52.

Keeping the body healthy and avoiding symptoms of any dis – ease is an easy path to walk when you commit to self-care, self healing:

  1. Whole Food Eating 100% of the time
  2. Whole Health Lifestyle Choices

If interested in healing self… the resources on my Natural Health Education website can get you there for Free if you are committed to you!

So, what if I do have some symptoms of menopause, Paula?

Hot flashes, gushing periods leaking all over the place, moodiness, heart palpitations, etc., etc., etc?

Following the above whole food & whole health choices will self heal these menopausal change challenges.

Using herbs to nourish the body back to health is another great choice to assist the above whole health living habits. Herbs are plants. Plants are food. Food nourishes body cells.

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Red Raspberry Leaves tone the uterus. Who doesn’t want a fit, muscular, sexy uterus at any age? This helps to prevent all the “medical reasons” we get advised to cut it out of our bodies. Keep your beautiful uterus… it was meant to be in your pelvis: the bowl of your feminine wisdom!

Red Clover Flowers balance hormones and help to clean the blood.

Stinging Nettle Leaves are an awesome, amazing, whole body cell nourisher. If you took the time to read the Whole Food link back there… you now know that nourishing your body cells is key to vibrant health!

Motherwort: Hot flashes, heart palpitations, and moodiness anyone? Feel like you are about to snap? Let your Mother love you up.

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Sarsaparilla Root: a healthy liver breaks down hormones to be excreted through the colon. Sarsaparilla root helps to keep the liver healthy and doing its job of detoxing and breaking down hormones. Dandelion root, burdock root, and milk thistle seeds are other liver nourishing herbs to assist in healthy liver menopausal magic. (Shhhh, I did not make this tincture!)

sarsaparilla

Flooding periods leaving a mess in your life (and clothes? Not to mention car seat, bed…) Wild Yam to the rescue! Years ago I used wild yam for birth control but that is another topic.   ; )     I came home to wild yam after I had my first, and only I might add, flooding period. I take 3 of these capsules every AM & every PM. No floods ever again for me. I suspect Wild Yam also nourishes my body cells to create a peaceful & magical menopausal transition for me (along with my whole food & living habits.)  So many women suffer from flooding and are told to get ablation (I would never, ever, recommend this procedure to anyone… find the root cause of your struggles and heal them!) and/or a hysterectomy (another procedure I would not recommend save for the very extreme reasons). Wild Yam also helps to keep our bones strong well into our Medicine Woman / Crone Wisdom Years! (This Link will take you to several post I have written on the magical nourishing effects of Wild Yam.)

Stay with me here good Women… I have a lot to say after so long a hiatus!

wild yam

OK, another HUGE issue with the menopausal years in what the medical field calls vaginal atrophy. Let me just say, creating such negative terms around the female body is just wrong. It keeps us in the mentality that there is something wrong with our bodies, that our feminine organs are innately weak and malfunctioning. This my friends is pure and unadulterated bullshit. We are strong; we have powerful and wise feminine organs!

If we follow Wise Woman Nourishing Healing Ways… see all my whole food / whole health suggestions above… our vaginas can remain strong even as we age.

Will they not age?

No, we can’t be silly, aging happens.

But, we can age with grace, strength, and divine dignity!

Eat well, play well, whole food – whole health yourself up, use herbs to nourish that which needs nourishing, have sex, do kegels… AND… here’s the biggy I have been waiting to share:

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A while back in my Wise Woman blogging career, I wrote a post on Voluptuous Vagina™’s.  At that point, I had been making a vaginal cream / ointment for a couple of years. I had friends and clients who complained of the vaginal dryness and issues that accompany aging in our amazing female bodies. I, of course, recommended all of the whole health lifestyle changes but I also whipped up this above Luxe Feminine Emollient pictured as I had a 60 year old gal friend who wanted relief and comfortable sex with her new man. It is now several years later and I have shared the formula with a handful (or two) of friends and clients who just love it!

I was telling my acupunturist friend & soul sister, Shelby Connelly, of this magic elixir I make for friends and she said…

  • Let’s perfect it and go into business together. I said,
  • You are kidding, right?  To which she replied…
  • Hell No!

And so the story goes… we have started our self care, self healing business together.

Voluptuous V™ is available now, click here.

Sending healing, feminine love, Paula

 

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Menstruation & Newsweek!

Newsweek cover, 350x450

DeAnna L’am wrote a fabulous blog post about the Newsweek article on menstruation.

Catch it here, it is a good one!   When Newsweek Met Menstruation by DeAnna L’am

DeAnna L’am – Bio:

Fondly known as ‘Womb Visionary’, DeAnna’s work has been transforming women’s lives around the world for over 25 years. She holds Initiation ceremonies for women and girls, reveals the spiritual forces hidden in Menstruation and Menopause, and teaches women how to hold Red Tents in their communities.

Internationally recognized as a pioneer in Menstrual Empowerment, DeAnna is author of‘Becoming Peers – Mentoring Girls Into Womanhood’ and ‘A Diva’s Guide to Getting Your Period’. She is founder of Red Moon School of Empowerment for Women & Girls™ and of Red Tents In Every Neighborhood – Global Movement. Visit her at: www.deannalam.com

Lagging Libido Part 2

sacred womb space

A few months back (where does the time go?), I wrote a blog post on lagging libido and how our reproductive tracts are like the canary in the coal mine. When things are out of whack… pay attention as something is amiss in your body.

bright blessings maiden

Things to consider if your Libido’s Luster has Left the Lime Light:

  1. Is it your age? As we age, our levels of female hormones drop. Hormones are what send us looking for that male balance in our life, mating, sex! Think about female dogs and other mammals: do they go looking for mating experiences when they are not in heat? No way. Same goes for your body: hormones dropping off with age, poor nutrition, and health issues means the physical – biologically driven urge for sex may just not be there. Now is the time to use your mind to want (or not) sexual encounters for the closeness and intimacy it brings. Need some help with lagging lubrication? https://wisewomenredtent.com/2015/10/09/menopauses-effect-on-our-vulvas-vaginas/   and    https://wisewomenredtent.com/2014/04/18/voluptuous-vaginas/
  2. Thyroid: is your thyroid suffering from poor diet, lack of iodine and other key minerals, lack of good self-care?
  3. Adrenal gland: is it suffering from too much stress, too much coffee & sugar, and not enough sleep / real food / and relaxation (think yoga!)?

All of these beautiful glands work in symphony with each other. One gland out of whack and the other glands suffer as well.

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When our glandular health is out of balance, our bodies will actually borrow (more like steal!) the pre-cursor hormones for your reproductive tract. These pre-cursor hormones are used to make other hormones in your body because you are stressed, out of balance. You can survive not having a menstrual cycle or producing offspring but you cannot survive without your thyroid or adrenal.

Blessings, Paula